Stats:
Ht: 20 inches
Wt: 8lbs 3ozs
Drafted: 4/6/2009
Acquired: From Heaven
Born: Murrieta
Owners: Jerry and Heather Leatherman
Press Release – for immediate distribution
Murrieta, CA – 4/6/09 – Opening day for Crew proved to be even more fantastic than anticipated. Batting cleanup, he showed why Team Leatherman has such lofty expectations for this 5 tool player (a 5 tool player excels at sleeping, eating, pooping, crying and burping). It wasn’t but 10 minutes into the game before Crew ripped one to plate Jayce, Brandt and Dane, breaking open the game. In one fell swoop the fans fell in love with this young phenom.
Speaking at the press conference earlier in the day when he arrived at the new stadium, Crew commented on the team, “The chemistry here between players and ownership is second to none. All I want to do is slide into the mix and offer my talents as a rook. The Leatherman’s passion to win is world renowned and I plan to bring my A-game to the park each day and hope they don’t catch me napping too much.”
If his first day on the job is any indication, Crew meshes well with this storied franchise. Going to his bread and butter option for most of the game he brought out the spitter early and often. Flashing the leather on the diamond was reminiscent of his namesake, Papa James and it didn’t take long for the boys to mesh as they performed web gem after web gem.
No slouch at the dish either, Crew demonstrated that he can rake with the best of them. Billed as a professional hitter, he’ll be dropping bomb after bomb. Once he made his first trip to home plate you can tell that he’ll be spending a lot of time hanging out there this season. In fact, once Crew finishes juicing there will be plenty of blowouts.
Team owner Heather loves having home field advantage when her squad takes the field. “We have great seats to the big show. Even though these kids need some seasoning, they catch on real quick and it makes for a lot of laughers.”
Ownership addressed the rumors about acquiring a cheerleader through free agency at the press conference. “Sure, it would be nice to have someone in a skirt around here besides me” said Heather. “But all we came across were high priced prima donnas that we just didn’t want to put up with right now.” Co-Partner of Team Leatherman, Jerry followed that up with, “Look, back-to-back-to-back-to-back future Hall of Famers. It’s a murderer’s row of talent that we’ve got here. This one is in the books.”
